I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
