Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
