I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
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