HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
