you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
