isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
