we're blogging at a bar
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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