My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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