That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
