Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
