I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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