Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
