dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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