1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
