I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
