Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
