New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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