I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
FUCK WHALES
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