Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
