I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
