Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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