Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
