I can text with my tongue
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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