hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
