Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
