so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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