remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
