I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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