He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
