I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
