I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
