similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
