He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
