I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize