Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
