haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
