blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
