how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
