if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I need moral support for this bender
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
