One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
