i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize