Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
