I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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