Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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