Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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