Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
