Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
