So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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