he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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