I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
