actually, I'm a sock model
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
