nutella sex= disaster
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
