I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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