We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
