I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
