Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So many bounce houses so little time
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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