Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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