i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When did angry sex become our thing?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
