You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
