Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Gay?
German.
Pity.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
