Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
