I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
