You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
