there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
