Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
