Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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