um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
