I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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