why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
