My nipple is on Facebook.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
