Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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