Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
