I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
