Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
